Do you think it was the Sprite?

We have a new pizza at work. It's called the Chicken Bacon Ranch. It has a garlic ranch sauce, chicken, bacon, onions, and tomatoes. All in all, a fairly popular and not-too-bad tasting pizza. I got a call while I was managing the other day from a customer (middle-aged, redneck-y) who was not at all satisfied with the new Chicken Bacon Ranch pizza. The conversation went something like what follows:

Very upset customer:
"I ordered the new chicken ranch pizza and I started to eat it, and, um, it kind of tasted like shit. I mean, it's disgusting."

My sincere response:
"I'm sorry to hear that sir."

Upset customer, sounding as if a good friend had turned his back on him:
"Well, I order from you guys all the time, and I love your pizza, I mean, you're my favorite pizza place and all, but I've eaten one slice of it so far, and I feel like if I eat another slice I'm probably going to vomit. I mean, this pizza is really disgusting."

Me, grinning and stifling a laugh, but appreciating the man's position nonetheless:
"That's strange, sir, because everyone else I've spoken to about it really enjoys the pizza."

Surprised, upset customer:
"Really? That's so weird. I really couldn't eat another bite. I think I would vomit."

Me, putting on my best customer service, man of the corporation voice:
"It is weird, because it's one of our highest rated pizzas ever. Corporate says it tested higher than any specialty pizza they had tested before."

Outright confounded, dumbfounded, almost ready to give the pizza another chance customer:
"Really?..... Well.... I was.... I was drinking a Sprite with it.... Do you think it was the Sprite?"

Me, now all but laughing out loud, not at him but because of how seriously he was taking the situation:
"No sir, I don't think it was the Sprite. Maybe the Chicken Bacon Ranch just isn't for you. I'd be happy to send you another pizza for free, if you'd like me to."

Immensely relieved that I wasn't going to ask him to take another bite with me on the phone customer:
"Oh, thank you so much. If I ate another slice I really would vomit. (Gives me his order) Thank you."

Me:
"I understand. You have a good night."


Occasionally, a single upset customer can make your week. I liked this guy. Evidently he took this very seriously. And it all worked out in the end.

Our pizza is not fine upscale cuisine. There is no particular drink that perfectly compliments it. We are not dealing in fine wines and cheeses. I did not think it was the Sprite.

Just thought I'd share that one. I found it highly entertaining.

Talk to you soon...

Go Braves! Go Dawgs! and a great big hip-hip-hooray for the Culture of Entitlement!

The wireless access point on north campus has proven to be rather unreliable of late. I can connect, hop on the old interweb for a minute or two, and then the connection disappears. I can't figure out why--which is not too surprising, given my limited computing capacity. Maybe Augie can tell me what the problem is. Aug?

I play poker a couple of times a week with an outfit called the National Pub Poker League, as long as I'm not working or loaded up with too much homework. I have secured a spot at the regional tournament, which is a week from saturday, and if I finish first or second there I get to play at the national tournament, and the winner of that one wins a seat at the World Series of Poker main event next year. Do you have any idea how cool that would be? Pretty damn cool is the answer.

Not too much is going on besides the usual mess of Papa John's and school. The Braves are right where they belong, atop the National League East by a few games and playing phenomenal baseball. Bobby Cox is the greatest manager of all time--there is no longer any question about it. Any sport, any era...no one else comes close. He is winning in the toughest division in baseball, fielding a team that is mostly rookies, and with a bullpen patched together out of nothing to make a decent relief squad. Leo Mazzone will be the first pitching coach to go into the hall of fame for being just a pitching coach because he is the greatest of all time. Most picked the Braves to finish second or third in the division this year, and instead we're going to win number 14 in a row.

The Bulldogs got off to quite an impressive start last weekend. South Carolina's Gamecocks are coming in on Saturday, with the evil genius Steve Spurrier leading the charge. It is going to be a thing of beauty to see him slaughtered inside Sanford Stadium. As some new Georgia t-shirts say, "We always knew Spurrier was a cock."

A couple of thoughts on the hurricane mess going on over there in New Orleans...

Oprah Winfrey, that bastion of rational, reasoned intelligence, believes the federal government owes the people of New Orleans an apology for not responding quickly enough to the disaster with aid and supplies. I agree that they are owed an apology, and I believe it should come from the federal government, but not for their "slow response" to the relief effort.

The federal government should issue an apology to the people of New Orleans for helping convince them, and the rest of the country, that they have to rely on the federal government in order to survive. Thousands of people in the region didn't evacuate largely because they were waiting for their government life-subsidy check to come in the mail on the first of the month. They were waiting for their welfare money. For their food money. Were some too poor to leave either way? Undoubtedly. I have sympathy for them. But I believe most people who stayed behind did so out of pure stupidity, with a rather disturbing faith that the federal government not only WOULD bail them out if things got nasty, but HAD to come to the rescue if things got nasty. Human beings have the right to one thing, and one thing only--not to have their will infringed upon by the will of another. By extension, we have the right to PURSUE life, liberty, property, and ultimately happiness. These are not things we are guaranteed in any inalienable sense. These are not things that have to be provided to us. It is up to the individual to acheive these things, not up to the society or government under which they live to provide them.

People on the street, screaming into television cameras about how they're dying, and where is George Bush, and where is the federal money, and where is what I have coming to me, are products of a system that has taught them that they are entitled to everything and it is not their responsibility to secure their life for themselves. This culture of entitlement is an almost exact parallel to the victim mentality Uncle Gil talks about.

So, yes, the federal government owes these people an apology. "We're sorry we have facilitated the process of you becoming lazy, self-centered, helpless, government-reliant cretins. Please, continue stealing large boxes of Nike basketball shoes and automatic rifles and designer jeans from the deserted stores of your drowned city. Continue to steal from your neighbor's empty houses. You're entitled."

The worst part is, it will be those filthy politicians who scream and yell the loudest about the federal government's inept response that will be most easily elected the next time those wonderful citizens go to the polls. The more that people believe that their government will coddle and care for them instead of having to fend for themselves, the worse off this country is going to be, and further down the road to a place where only revolution will be this country's salvation we will travel.

Talk to you soon...